I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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