i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
