I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
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