hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
