The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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