This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
