The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
We have started to decorate penises.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
