Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
