I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Sorry about my life...
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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