Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
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