My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
