Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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