Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
