can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
