tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
