remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
