im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
