I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
