i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize