the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
