Just fell off a train. Bad.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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