then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
