im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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