If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
