Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
