Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
