Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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