i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
