You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
