Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
