My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
