I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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