You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
What drink are we having for lunch?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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