yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
