I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
