i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize