beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
