i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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