I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
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