i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Randomize
