Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
