My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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