I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
