Will you blow on my dice?
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize