I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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