I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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