just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
