so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
