I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
