I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
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