these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
