He is such a slut. More and more my type.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
