i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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