it's too hot outside to masturbate.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
operation have a gay friend backfired
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Dicks are not precious.
Randomize
