I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
