Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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