she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
