Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
last night I used snow as a chaser
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
