Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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