he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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