I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
