Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Holy shit dude........stairs
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
