watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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