Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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