just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
