My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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