I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
