I accidentally burped into my bong.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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