So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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