It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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