I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
