Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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