it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Randomize
