the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Vodka?
Forever.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
