Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
