Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
