Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
