my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize