Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
