from now on my penis is your penis
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
