So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
