If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
