she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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