You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize