I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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