Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize