He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
they need to just BURY HIM!
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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