So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
