I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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