Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
