It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I am naked and annoyed.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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