So drunk its hurt
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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