my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
