I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
