lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
