my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
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