took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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