just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
