guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
