Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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