Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
