Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
i drank out of a bidet.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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