Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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