dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize