The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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