doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
